Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Not ME! Watchmen came out some weeks back now and I have to say I thought it was terrible. Really indulgent predictable nonsense with little character development, transparent plot and terrible acting.

I am not hugely into comics but there are a couple I’ve happened across in my time that I think would’ve made FAR more interesting movies than Watchmen. Most are from 2000AD.

Strontium Dog, Portrait of a Mutant: Johnny Alpha is a mutant bounty hunter, a result of strontium-90 radiation poisoning. He has no pupils (always cool) and he can see through walls. His father’s a prominent politician who shuns Johnny and ends up passing laws which outlaw mutants. Johnny leaves home and ends up leading an army of Strontium Mutants in an uprising. Johnny becomes a bounty hunter and subsequently hunts down his own father and brings him to justice. Other characters include his partner Wulf Sternhammer (a viking), Gronk (a weird alien with multiple hearts) and Middenface McNulty, a Scottish mutant who likes saying “help ma boab”.

OR

Judge Death: Judge Death was the coolest character. A spirit from another dimension where life is a crime and the punishment is…death. He could reach into a man’s body and squeeze his heart until he died. There are a few story lines with Death that’d make good movies, most notably the attack of the Dark Judges (Fear, Fire, Death and Mortis) where Judge Anderson captures Death in her mind and I think Dredd freezes her in a plastic block, capturing him. Or “Judgement on Gotham” in which Death crosses over into the Batman universe. Dredd comes too, along with Mean Machine and the Scarecrow. Great artwork from Bisely as always.

Last one:

Slaine: The Horned God. Slaine is a mythical warrior – similar to Conan but with much more depth. He’s Celtic in origins and has a great story arc around his relationship with the Earth Goddess Danu. When in battle he can channel power from the Earth and go into these “warp spasms”. Hacking and slashing with his axe “Brain Biter”. Anyway, some amazing art again in The Horned God. In this story Slaine unites the tribes of Ireland to fight off the Formorians and Balor of the Evil Eye.

Slaine I think would make an EXCELLENT movie, sort of a darker Lord of the Rings type story with pan-dimensional dragons and much more gore.

I don’t know why, with all the amazing storylines out there they had to pick “Watchmen” to make into a movie. What a crock.